I do know you’re there Mum. You always are, either right beside me, or if you’re with one of the other kids, you are still in my thoughts. I can’t believe it’s been 12 years already. Somehow I never thought this day would come – mostly because I didn’t think I could go on without you. And now, this year, I’ve been closer to you than ever, mostly because of Alex. I think I understand now a little more about our bond and how timeless it is.

            Last night I held him close to my heart and sang him to sleep. I tried to imagine what it was like for you at that moment when you had to leave this world for another, knowing you must leave your babies behind. I decided that it must have felt like Alex was feeling last night – the feeling of being held totally and completely secure in the arms of One who loves you, and drifting off to sleep, except you had Dad’s arms about you as well. Beautiful to the end.

            I’ll try to do better this year Mum. I’ll try to sing more, cry less and stand up straight. I’ll read every day and not go to bed angry or leave the house without saying good bye.

            I’ll look after the kids and watch over them in my prayers. I’ll write Tracie and tell her how beautiful she is, and I’ll keep Mandy close. I promise to call Sancho in his new home and see how he’s doing. I’ll be there for Sam. I’ll take Prem out and we’ll do stuff together. I’ll tell Ricky about how much you loved him. I’ll get in touch with Jo and remind him of just how amazing he is.

    With all my heart one day I am going to make you proud.

At last we’ve posted pics from our wedding. Enjoy!